Excerpts From The Book Of Shadows

What follows are many excerpts from my Book of Shadows during my work with Gardnerians, lo these many moons ago.  I found the exploration of Northern European godform and wisdom to be fascinating, and I shall surely return to it one day.  Someone online recently mentioned that 'we should not' show our BoS to others for some odd reason.   Well of course I take this as a challenge to publish mine openly.  Here you go.  The excerpts form a kind of ritual all of their own.

Lorax (my magical name in Gardnerian the play, indicating my role and quest)

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Opening:

Tomb and womb, tomb and womb
The magick circle about the room
Gives shape to love, our souls to bloom.

-
The Quarters:

Hail Gwydion!

Bard of Beauty,

Fountain of Artistry

Guardian of the Watchtower of the East, Manifestation of Air, Sword, Intellect and Language.

Be welcome wherever you may go, whenever your will brings you.

Let the shining wisdom of your grand patience lend strength to my attention.

May Myrddin's gaze rest upon my shoulder as I call your presence in mind.

-
Hail Brigid!
Fire-keeper and Mistress of the Southern
Watchtower.

Be welcome always and always may thy will be done.

Daughter of the Dagda, Poetess Supreme, Triple-aspected Healer and Ladysmith,Maiden Goddess of Compassion,

May you help me to understand the meaning of unconditional love.  May you inflame my awareness so that harm may be avoided through the instrument of my heart.

-
Hail Manannan' (Mac Lir)!

Guardian of the Watchtower of the West, Ocean Ruler and essence vitale.

Be welcome from your island home and haven, Great God of Feasting and Fertility.

Manifestation of Water, Cup, Intuition and Emotion, Dragonlord and Hero, May Arthur's hand wield Excalibre's determination with love and devotion as I call thy praise in form.

-
Hail Morrigu!

Dark Night Goddess of Phantoms,
Great Queen Mother and Guardian of the Watchtower of the North,
Warrior Matron and Watcher over the near-dead.

May your coldness bring reflection.
May you inspire detachment from those things around me, revealing the
limitation of that within my head.

-
The First Blessing:

Hp:
Blessed be thy feet that they support the temple of the Goddess.
Blessed be thy knees for they bow only unto Me.
Blessed be thy womb for from it the world is born.
Blessed be thy breasts for they nourish the young and helpless.
Blessed be thy lips for they speak the lunar wisdom.
Blessed be thy mind for all things arise in conception.

-
The Preparation:

Listen to the words of the Great Mother Goddess, known as Artemis, Astarte, Athene, Dione, Melusine, Aphrodite, Cerridwen, Danann, Arianrhod, Isis, Bride, Kali-Ma, and many others.

Though She surrounds and suffuses you, you may not always take heed of  Her words.   Though She is an integral element of all being, you may not always recognize the form of Her manifestation.  Though She provides for you in all ways, you may not always express your full gratitude.

Therefore, listen to Her with the ear that hears pattern AND essence. Watch Her movement for secrets of pure being. Breathe the fair fragrance of Her security and let Her warm embrace touch the very core of your heart.

-
The Address:

Elentari (Queen of the Stars):
"Whenever you have need of Me, and best at the full of Moon, then shall you gather in secret places and adore Me, Queen of the Witches!

Aspirant: "Oh Great Queen, what do you mean by 'harm'?"

Elentari:
"Let it be understood that -
By 'harm' it is meant the willful destruction of an entity without its consent.
By 'harm' it is meant coercive force applied to another entity in ANY context.
By 'harm' it is meant the creation of pain in the mind of an entity for purposes other than discipline or growth.
By 'harm' it is meant the creation of discipline or growing energies without the consent of the entity involved.
By 'harm' it is meant protecting another against forces they have willfully and knowingly placed themselves subject to.
With 'harm' the meaning is left to the individual,yet influenced by society.
Left to one will,yet affected by a multitude of consciences."

-
The Second Blessing:

Hps:
Blessed be thy feet for they support the temple of the God.
Blessed be thy knees for they bow only unto Me.
Blessed be thy seed for it makes possible the generation of all things.
Blessed be thy breast for there lies the strength of labor.
Blessed be thy lips for they speak the knowledge borne of starlight.
Blessed be thy mind, for it is the stage of all creation.

-
The Preparation:

Listen to the words of the Great God of Magick, known as Hermes, Mercury, Thoth, Tehuti, Odhinn, Myrddin, Gwydion, Manannon, Osiris, Olorin, Shiva, and many others.

Though He instructs and is born from you, you may not always take heed of  His words.  Though He is an integral element of change, you may not always recognize the style of His manifestation.  Though He encourages you in all ways, you may not always express your full gratitude.

Therefore, listen to Him with the ear that hears tone AND meaning.  Watch His movement for secrets of pure becoming.  See the colorful display of His liberation and let His warm embrace reach the very edge of your mind.

-
The Address:

Myrddin (Mage of the Cave):
"Whenever you have need of Me, and best at the dark of Sun, then shall you go to the secret place alone, or gather at my sabbats, and enjoy Me, Lord of Mystery and Magick!!

Aspirant: "Oh Great Mage, what do you mean by 'harm'?"

Myrddin:
"Let it be known here that:
ALL magick intended to alter the configuration of the Cosmos, in an attempt to redress perceived imbalance is WHITE magick, regardless of one's intent to harm.  In this sense it is a magick derived of the CONSCIOUS mind; the known, visible, egoistic self of the microcosm.

ALL magick intended to discover the nature of the innermost self, in an attempt to transform and grow (learn) is BLACK magick, inasmuch as it derives from the SUBCONSCIOUS mind; the unknown, invisible, trans-egoistic self of
the macrocosm.

The fulcrum of harm is an illusive one, though effective from the standpoint of ego.   Magick which intends to harm is insane and resembles a tornado or hurricane (to be avoided and diffused when desired and possible).Destruction is one aspect of the divine, destruction-creation complex. Until and unless full consciousness of this process can be obtained, ALL judgements regarding perceived events of harm must be considered limited at best and relative to the mindset of the witness.

The form which divinity takes does nothing to lessen the divine nature of  its essence.  Thus, the dualistic claim of harming/healing becomes another patristic, moral assertion with political intent. 

The notion of harm is effective where the witness IS the magician. Which is to say that non-judgemental feedback regarding effects of  magickal workings may add to the data from which the mage may draw to assess the nature of the work.  'Harm' in this sense is any effect which the mage does not wish to cause.  Seeing such a result, the mage may attempt to counter such energies and re-evaluate the style of magick.

The true focus of Magick is the subtle self (atman) in that free-reign is given to the subconscious mind, provided with magickal tools and setting, such that a communication at the least, a reconciliation at most, will occur between conscious and subconscious realms.

Where White Magick uses precise methods, Black leaves form to intuition.
Where White Magick engages in traditional form, Black leaves form a variable based on the psychological condition of the mage.
Where White Magick tends toward dualism in its basic approach to the cosmos and (/or in other words) to the Divine,  Black is primarily nondual where practiced and beyond the concepts of dual/nondual when mastered."

-
The Final Opening:

L(ord):
"In opening this ritual I do pay tribute to the power of my being,
to the beginning of my sensation,
to the source of my awareness,
to the essence of my consciousness,
which I AM
(kneels at Q's feet)
Oh Compassionate Lady,
Lover and Mother
Reflection and Creatrix,
Nourisher and Protector,
Thank you for this space.

Q(ueen): (brings L to rise)
Oh Wise Lord,
Lover and Father
Reflection and Creator
Teacher and Learner
Thank you for this time.
(They embrace)

THE RITUAL HAS BEGUN

New System of Divination:

THE 'I CHUNK'    NEW!!  I CHING RUNES!!!
THE TRADITION OF THE STONE LIVES ON!!!!   IN MATHEMATICAL STYLE!
AND MYSTIC MIGHT.

I CHUNK - I CHING RUNES

Eight trigrams, eight stones
The poetry accompanying each trigram is the mystical fusion of Elven Taoist Magick, Tantra and Western Hermetica.

-  - Yin

Space.
Goddess of the dark, blackness, mystery and emptiness. 
Nondual Void,
She is Nuit, Kali, and Oya. 

Extreme fluidity.
She is chilling, enjoyable Mystery,  perpetual motionlessness, inactivity or nonaction. 

Receptivity, clarity, openness and compassion, She is Kwan Yin, Aphrodite and Radha.  
Yin is the Glory of the Feminine.

-  - Moon

Water. 
Unrestricted imagination.
Immanent potential.

The Mother of Time. 
The Named Tao, Sophia, Love and Trust in perfect union. 

Bearing the divine child, the self, She is Mary, Tiamat, Hathor and Lilith. 
Moon is the Fecundity of Yin.

--- Lake

Liquid, pure reflection. 
Loving flexibility, adaptability and initiation.

Slowness, tranquility, inertia, languidity and depression,She is the Lotus of Becoming, goddess of innocence and virginity.

She is Varda, Babalon and Isis.
The Holy Grail, the Elixir of Immortality,Lake is the Power of the Feminine.

--- Thunder

Ignorant strangeness,
bodies of flesh and blood.

She is Athena, Freya, Python and Ishtar, the Wheel of Life and Death.
He is Orpheus, Thor, Arthur and Dormammu, the Axis of Liberation.

Mantra of Satori,
Thunder is the Confusion of Femininity.

-  - Wind

Horrific suffering,
masks of pain and joy.

He is Christ, Legba, Osiris and Sauron, the Guardian of Death and Life.
She is Sophia, Fortuna, Sarasvati and Amaterasu, the Valley of Awareness.

Bhakti of Zen,
Wind is the Fear of Masculinity.

-  -  Mountain

Solid, complete obscuration.
Willful endurance,
discipline and resistance.

Quickness, vibration, animation, vitality and ecstasy, He is the Jewel of Being,
God of sincerety and honesty.

He is Shiva, Myrrdin and Olorin. the Magick Sword, the Tree of Wisdom, Mountian is the Science of the Masculine.

--- Sun

Fire.
Formal Energy.
Abundant actuality.

The Father of Space.
The Name, Yehovah, thought and being in perfect harmony.

Generating the Divine Word, Art,
He is Joseph, Horus, Mithras and Adam.
Sun is the Fertility of Yang.

--- Yang

Time.
The God of The Light, Whiteness, Knowledge and Fullness.
Dense being,
He is Hadit, Shiva, and Brahman.
Extreme stability,
He is burning, meditative consciousness,incessant motion, activity or action.

Generosity, intent, enthusiasm and wisdom,
He is Lao Tzu, Apollo and Krishna.
Yang is the Beauty of the Masculine.

-
The Procedure:

Step One:
Venture into the wilderness. 
Find eight stones which resemble the names of the trigrams. 
Put them into the magical Blue Bag. 

Step Two:
Draw one out, use this for the bottom half of the Hexagram (Yin). 
Use another for the top half (Yang). 
Interpret based on intuition and previous commentary. 
Generate the entire I Ching.

Step Three:
Match up each of the Hexagrams with each of the Dakini Tarot (65 cards in all).  The Fool is in the middle, playing the Game.

Step Four:
Place one verse of Tao Te Ching alongside each tarot card and to either side of each group of 8 cards, two to the left, one to the right.

You have now constructed a magical circle of tremendous intensity.
------------------------------------------------------------

- Musickal Divination:
I interpret the tape by the name of the Unicursal Hexagram -

Q: Surrender.  The Power of Love.
L: The Time is Now.  The Word is Love.
Give up the Cross to Tao. 
First the Star, then the Spiral, then the Void, and then Tao.
Q: Lest you take your symbols for living beings, and there is harm done,
treasure the songbird as the captive companion.
L: Eagles' lives are but a dream.  The small child of today is the old adult
of the next and the butterfly of the next.  Yet I do surrender.
I always surrender to my Love.  Mountains I've crossed, valleys
I've leaped, to reach you, my Lady.
Q: Ah, the realms of Heaven ARE blissful!
L: And the cliffs of the Path are founded of lust.
Q: Yet magick adds a spice to life that can be pursuasive.
L: It praises you not that you are known for your mystery as well as for
your severity.
Q: Wizdum comes not from knowledge.  As for severity, how severe do I LOOK?
L: 'Sexual ecstasy' is a phrase largely underestimated in my experience.
Q: Surrender for service, Lord.
L: Enjoyment is MY pleasure, REALLY!!
Q: Have it your way then (smiles).
Silence.

-
The elves clamor for a Pathwork:

MYRDDIN'S LAIR

A small trail vanishes into a thick wood just beyond the edge of the mists of translation...

We enter the wood and weave between ancient trees early on a Spring morning.  The lazy trail winds deeply into the Great Forest.  Mists dissipate as the day wears on.   Songbirds serenade and small animals watch quietly, scampering away when surprised.   The fresh, clean air smells faintly of the rich loam of the forest floor.  The path widens momentarily, then twists and turns more frequently as the ancient trees become more numerous.  Sloping downhill, we begin to wonder how much farther this trail leads.  Abruptly, a mammoth redwood growing in a small clearing blocks the path, or is this the end of
our journey?

In a voice like wind through branches the Old One speaks to us:  "Who trespasses the Forest Gnosis in such haste?"  Having conversed with trees before, we are slow to respond.

"...We know not, yet can tell you what we are called."  We speak our names in a whispering, rasping tone, drawing out the vowels so as to almost sing them.

The redwood laughs in slow, rhythmic creaking sounds.  "Beneath my moss in the North lies a passage which plunges into the depths of Mystery."  The windswept rush of the tree's breath blows cool and comforting across our skin.  There is no deception here.  And why would an Old One deceive??

We circle the Great Elder and feel through the moss on the far, North side.   Little pressure gains entrance to a small passage leading into the tree and below, a few carved steps (are they roots?) carry us to a sharp turn and then a spiralling, descending wormhole filled with fibrous roots, thick like hair and tentacles.

Gradually the hair gives way to a sandstone and soil, dripping and cold in the subterranean darkness.  The roots are like guiding hands of compassion, the sandstone like resolute detachment, supporting yet cold to the touch.  Our footsteps echo before us into the gaping maw of uncertainty.

Continuing downward, spiralling into a cold watery womb that smells of fertility, we catch sight of a faint glow ahead.  A warm, dreamy feeling overcomes us and at once a being suffused in Light encircles us with bubbling, joyous music.

"You are far from home, little one."  Her voice has a soothing lilt which puts us at ease, even in our blinded confusion.  Slowly our eyes adjust to Her brilliance and we may see a beauteous woman engulfed in Light and power.  She is smiling mischievously and has a curious Darkness in Her eyes.  "Come for a bit of treasure, did you?"

Shaken as if out of a deep slumber, we respond,  "No my Lady, we have come to see your Love."

"Oh, then by all means let Me escort you."  She turns and seems to float ahead into the passage, taking with Her the Light and warmth of Life itself.  We hurry to keep up.  Curving, curving, the spiral grows smaller and smaller, downward into the very core of the Earth.  The Lady of Light begins to move too quickly for us to accompany Her.  We slow to a walk and our eyes adjust to a sparkling cave entrance ahead.

Purple-hued starlight gleams from beyond a crudely carved archway through which the Lady must have gone, yet there is no sign of Her.  Our vision is still failing it seems, for we cannot see directly into this cavern.  We discover no matter how long we wait the cave's violet Darkness is too pure for our Sun-born eyes to penetrate.   We step through the archway and immediately the ground falls out from beneath our feet.  We are floating in a misty, purple Void.

"A visitor?!" exclaims a venerable, yet musical voice...  The mist quickly explodes in a watercolored firework display of orange and green.  A crystal cave, casting countless reflections, brightens measurably and the image of a man appears on the surface of a great slab of quartz to our left.  We cannot see if the man is young or old, just that His face is kindly and inquisitive, revealing a small part of His wisdom.

"Elfling born tree-kin," He begins, "Be welcome in the abode of Myrddin the Wizard."  We have many questions for Him. He laughs and answers each carefully.We begin to understand that He is human and elf, serpent and Dragon, stone and tree.  He and His Love have created this magical place for their slumbers, being content to roam the Great Forest during leisurely days.  After but a moment we know that we may trust Him completely.  After a short time we are awestruck by his wisdom and patience.  After our questions and short discussion

we would stay longer, yet the light in the crystal cave is beginning to dim and Myrddin appears to yawn.

"Ho-hum, well I must be back to My sleep and to My Love. Farewell elf-kin.   May you discover the many pleasures of silence and the comfort of the darkened room."  With that He dissolves into a swath of colored light among the fading, purple-crystalled reflections.

Passing through the arch we feel the soft brush of leaves and pine needles around us.   We've been given a magickal boost homeward.  Ahead the darkening forest is cold and quiet.  A Fall breeze whips and darts about in the last vestiges of twilight.  A trail leads up into the mists of translation...
END

-
Book Review/Reflection: (_The Forgotten Beasts of Eld_, by Patricia McKillip)

"The Forgotten Beasts of Eld" is a magical tale.  It speaks of reflection, of  passion, and of loneliness.  It brings to mind my own path.   I have thought of this new twist, this 'venture into form' and feared lest my loosed ego blow up into a pseudo-deity, yet I am too foolish to reach such heights of audacity. As long as my aim is true, there is no path which can turn me aside.  So Kali says; so it seems in Cthia.

To face my fears I indulge them.  So let us indulge pomposity a brief moment...

• I shall master the core of each path as it falls into the place of elvenkind.
• There shall be nothing left of learning beyond the fragile codes of useless
• social ettiquette.  When the magicians discover a Wizard in their midst they
• shall fear and either ask boons or secure a hasty departure.  Then will the
• true test begin.  When the tools of power are placed within my grasp and I
• do not check my own strength.  Then shall I form the Cosmos to my liking. 
• Weather shall obey, people shall overlook or admire, social success shall
• shower riches, and all of the Outer Realms shall wait upon my word...
  

I cannot go on.  It is enough to recognize the lack of peace in my soul and   the lack of resolution in my mind  to quest for it through strife/hardship.   How shall I learn to enjoy discipline??

This is my path.  An inner quest.  If this is permitted in Gardenarian circles, then so be it.  I shall set forth on a glorious facade of duplicit mysticism.  To grasp that which grasps.  To change that which changes.  To learn to learn (to learn?).  To indulge a detour through the world of Twoness in support of a unified psyche.  They say that once one picks the sliver of Duality out of one's hand then the tools may be discarded.  But so many favor the use of the tools that they simply create more slivers or fear to extract the one original since it will end the operation.  Attachment grows in mysterious ways.  Even the process of our delivery is a trap to the unawares.

With my eyes open as widely as they will go, I walk into the operating room and consult with great beings of light concerning my blindness.  Are they blind too?  Or has their operating stirred them to wakefulness?  I shall ask... and ask... and pry their eyes open if need be.  Perhaps I shall find that their eyes are mine and that in my prying I am waking myself.  Too wishful??

In Elven style I must say that it shall be a wonderful game regardless of the outcome - that fun shall be had and experience enjoyed, even in pain and fear...

-

From the slumbering eye:

-
Notation:

In considering the goals of a cause-oriented mysticism, I have arrived upon a few requirements and potential goals for this process of magic:

Requirements:

1. Where possible, to understand a Macro/Microcosmic correlation between the goal for outer and inner directed magick.  (E.G. peace in the world and peace within.)
2. Undertaking goals for which political action would be acceptable to my taste (e.g. if pro-active group presented itself  I would support it).
3. Deriving goals from a place of compassion.
   

Potential Goals (general directions from which to obtain specifics):

1. increasing the understanding of nonordinary states of consciousness in society (and self).
2. preserving forests and unadulterated nature (preserving knowledge and mystical texts).
3. encouraging tolerance and compassion generally.
4. empowering the suffering/disadvantaged.
5. allowing growth and love.
6. developing significantly improved forms of education.
7. inspiring creativity and art.

-
An Analysis of association from the "Purification and Balancing of  the Elements" handout. [From my Gardnerian teachers]

-
Questions for my Gardnerian teacher [As inspired by _The New Book of the Law_]

Faith - 1. Do you have faith that all who engage in magick are capable of  being healed and that the Circle is a place for this process to take place?

Belief - 2. Do you believe that those who engage in magick may grow wise and that the Circle is a place for this growth to occur?

Knowledge - 3. How are Knowledge and Truth related and how do they differ?

Ability - 4. What are your greatest strengths as a teacher?

Patience - 5. How do you approach slow students?

Leadership - 6. What pattern of behavior, what image of yourself would you hope to present or portray to those around you?

Humility - 7. What are your greatest weaknesses as a teacher?

-
Vocabulary List from _The New Book of the Law_

Words/phrases to absorb meaning from/of:

- Way of Wicca
- Power of the Craft
- Lords of Karma
- Temples of the Gods
- Circle
- righteous(ness) [Judgement]
- Honor
- desecration [of Lord and Lady, Their temples, Their creations]
- Council of Elders
- Magick/Craft/Power
- harm [to cause]
- death of Self
- betray [brethren, lore]
- negative/evil ways [of using Godnames]
- Mighty Ones
- take the measure of their worth
- Atlantis
- the evil chaos
- Circle of Light
- hidden children
- the Maiden [in a coven]
- a Keeper of the Circle
- Creation

-
To be placed on the underside of the toilet seat:

How often we acclaim the naturality and divinity Of elements we consume and aborb. Water and air in purity, Fire and earth in warmth and food.

How often do we notice the naturality and divinity
Of elements we eliminate and waste?
Urine and gase in warm emission,
Feces and breath in warmed expulsion.

Isn't waste the measure of our pefection??

-
To be placed above the bathroom mirror:

So often we decry the futility of Asian foot-binding and African lip or neck extension.   How is our 'make-up' or hairstyle any different?

-
Experimental Symbolic Association-scheme

-
Table of correspondence for me:

-
'Past Life Regression Pathwork' - Results/Reflections Sorry, undated, but prior to 10-89!

Successive veils were successively deeper trance-states.  Even smells  were quite vivid in some cases (rose and lemons especially).  Coming back  I wanted to run ahead of (HPS') verbal, but also wanted to maintain  firm link, rather than 'go off on my own' ahead of the group.

13th veil:
I turned a corner and ENTERED the tree.  There stood the Guide, at first a white-haired Merlinesque figure in blue(?) robes.  He quickly changed (or affected my vision) into a succession of images - elven, panlike, implike blurr - many images I can't seem to describe, but all were male.  I gathered, either as it occurred or after the pathwork, that he was the Lord of Death.

We both stood inside the tree.  He asked what I wanted.  I told him I was instructed to ask to see my past lives.  He asked again, with emphasis what  *I* wanted.  I told him I wanted to see my past lives.

He asked me to/caused me to grow until I was one with the tree, branches, trunk and roots.  I guess he was, at that time, beyond bodily form, but off to my left and slightly above me.

As I 'finished' becoming the tree, he asked me to extend my roots/right foot a little and then instructed me to look at them directly.  At this time I was feeling both my body and the tree's.

I looked at my roots (foot) and saw small faint images there.  He instructed me to look more closely at my these images.  Then more and more closely until I was viewing a man, bald, with mustache, in robes, a Western man, European descent.  He was knowledgeable.  He had a 'dark' side to him, however, which he struggled with.   I would guess he was a monk or something similar.  He was a strong personality that had achieved some success (both inner and outer) in his life.  I faded back from that foot, satisfied with the glimpse.

The Guide then instructed me to look at my left foot (roots), more closely and more closely.  I saw a cartoon caricature with flower/star eyes and an energy-field/face.   I was given to understand that this man was insane,that this is how he saw himself.   The Guide instructed me to look more closely into the being of the man.  I did so and, while I found it difficult to view the man directly, I saw him in his surroundings - a gloomy building (like a lax sanitorium).  I saw that this fellow was a 'life between lives'.  The Guide told me that in all my lives, excepting such 'rest period lives between lives' I had overcome my most challenging obstacle.  The insane man was NOT unhappy.  Ignorant and unaware, he was as if in trance.  I faded
back to tree-form.

The Guide instructed me to move my feet about (to present different roots, I understood later).  I asked if I had ever been a woman.  The Guide told me to once again look at my right foot.  Doing so (and moving closer upon instruction) I saw a woman in her twenties.  She was pretty, yet dour.  I do not know whether she was intelligent and rebellious or ignorant and
depressive.  I saw various stages of her life.  She was a success in society, though not much of one (perhaps) in her own personal happiness.  I faded back to treeness.

If there was another life I looked at (at my left foot) I cannot seem to remember the specifics (of her?).  [This may well be a mental block which indicates my need for further growth in the feminine realm of my personality/psyche.]

In any case, I asked about my most recent 'incarnation'.  The Guide responded that here (in the spirit world) time had no meaning.  I clarified by asking to see me LAST incarnation (the one immediately previous to the present).  The Guide told me that my body (as the tree) was the extent of all my incarnations.That to visit the roots was to visit the emmanations of my beginnings (regardless of their place in time).  That to look at the trunk was to visit that closest to the present.  That to look at the branches was to visit that which is beyond.

He then instructed me to look just 'below' my center.  I could feel the center quite strongly as I focussed my attention (again, more closely upon instruction) upon my lower abdomen/stomach/trunk. 

I saw a Chinese man, stirring a boiling pot (of food and of clothes, the image kept changing).  He was a monk or a poor man or both and I understood that he lived in the country, though not in seclusion.  There was a discipline and a simpleness to him which I did not understand.  Perhaps also a controlled anger.He was the most difficult for me to focus on or understand.  Perhaps because ofhis closeness to me?   I am not sure.  Fade out.

Next I asked the Guide about my future.  He instructed me to look upon the furthest reaches of my branches.  I did so and experienced a tremendous energy.I WAS being.  The All as One.  There was a limit to my experience here.  It was as if my present or past would not release me to these heavens (or, morelikely,

that I would not release the PAST or PRESENT!).  In any case I then faded back to become the tree as a whole.  The branches had been the crown of my head, the uppermost limit of my bodily 'self'.  I had focussed at once on this area of my body at the same time as on the branches.

(HPS) indicated the time to return.

The Guide instructed me to return to the inside of the tree.  I shrunk down and bade my farewell, asking the Guide if I may return [as instructed by HPS]and was struckby the formality of a request of this nature.  This 'person' was overly nice to me.   The request was answered formally, yet with an air of silliness in both gesture and response.  [I wondered later whether anyone ever had inner Guides refuse them.   I can't remember such an event.]

[I wanted to get back to the 'unspirit' world very quickly.  The slow ascent was almost agonizing, though once I relaxed and focussed on the images, it was ok.  In fact, if the transition HAD been faster, I'm not sure I would have 'arrive' with everyone else!  As it was I had double-vision in my left eye for at least 20 minutes afterwards.]

-
A Lesson From Kali-Ma [Addressed directly to me.]

Need is a grasping.
To need and to love are quite different things.
To love is to accept, encourage, nourish and nurture.
To need is to expect, require, consume and employ.
Where there is love there is balance.
Where there is need there is imbalance.
Where there is love within a field there is no need.
Yet there may be love outside a field in which there is need.
Such a love may only aid to the extent that it fosters self-love, or love from within.

Thus love is NOT the satisfaction of need's grasp.
Love is NOT the filling of the emptiness from without.
Love is NOT the satisfaction of desire.
Love is NOT ego-gratification.
Love is NOT a substitute for self-love.

Love IS inspiration of self-love.
Love IS encouragement toward tolerance.
Love IS nourishment toward acceptance.
Love IS the allowing of growth.

Love may be painful, cajoling, denying, restrictive, forceful, challenging, curt, resistant, blunt, or harsh.
Love is NOT malevolent, deceiptful, coercive, damaging, extortive, bullying, rude, refusing, abusive, or cruel.
'Perfect Love' is love which arises spontaneously from the center of balance in tune to compassion.

-
Other/Underworld Journey:

ENTRY INTO FAERIE, the Deva-Realm.

Hail Psilos, Guide and Guardianalong the path between Binah and Kether.

Hail Tehuti, Master of the stylus,the knowledge of mathematics and the arts.
Hail Thoth, Teacher of Wisdom, magick, and the symbols of Tarot.

Hail Hermes-Trismegistus,
'Thrice-great' messenger of the gods
Son of Maya and Zeus
Master Thief
Trainer of the Way of the Thief
Father of Pan, the Wild Goat God
Wielder of the Caduceus
Patron to the Magi, the line of ancient adepts
Inscriber of the Emerald Tablets
Mercurial escort, bearing Psyche to the palace of the gods, where she partakes of the ambrosia of immortality
Master Servant, Hanuman, bringing the Key of Solomon, the Egyptian Ankh of Life.
Hail Merlin, Otherworld Guide,
Arch-Seer and Prophet of the Druids
Wizard and Founder of the Order of Istari,
Dweller of the Island of the Blessed, Aman
Mithrandir of the People of the Stars and friend to all free ones
We welcome an initiation into your Mysteries,
a glimpse of your wonderful magick
that is the essence of consciousness.
Let the Dolmen-shape of the umbrella fungi
soften the rain of your teachings
as it gathers these waters of life
in its sponginess.
Allow our safe passage through your netherworld.
Show us the fruit of our labors and ready us for
the lessons we may approach.

We would take your hand as you lead us
down the spiral path into Faerie.
We look to you for advice and encouragement
as we will this transition.
Let your spore-seeds inflame
our awareness and self-understanding
just as this return-offering
burns to the ash of shed skin.
May our journey through and out of the Underworld be pleasant yet fruitful.
May we remember to trust our inner being
as the source of manifestation
and the center of existence.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for your compassion.
Thank you for your humor.
Thank you for your awareness.

The flesh of the gods
The blood of the gods

Absorbed and encompassed,
we enter the womb only to exit
from the cave of our abandoned shell-self.

In love, peace, and trust in all things
we begin this adventure in a spirit of bright joy
and tender blessings.

-
BOS entry 11-17-89 am
A Record of Last Night's Fairy Pathwork:

Mound - sitting atop the mound was a small old man, long grey beard.  He was busy doing something and smiled as I approached.  I circled the mound, COUNTER-CLOCKWISE, by his direction, toward the entrance.

As I approached the Mound and then moved toward both the Mound and entrance, I grew smaller/it grew larger.  I found the arched entry and passed within even bofore (HP) finished guiding us toward it and giving his warning (though I could hear him well).   [The warning was not to eat or drink anything while visiting the Good People and to keep hold of our metal in our hands so as to be well-protected.  I thought the warnings quite silly, since I saw them all as my kin, yet abided by the restriction.]

In entering I of course yelled "Ah kin!!!" and embraced the first elf I met. This elf-fairy I knew to be my Guide.  He and the rest of Elfland were like Toontown characters, yet very real and sentient.  The city I was in was full of revelry and celebration.  Singing and dancing, drinking and playing filled the square-type area I had entered. 

Early on I was offered a drink.  I declined politely and told them that my teachers had asked me not to partake on this journey.  I said that I was learning their (human) ways and that this was part of their path.

After a forgotten conversation with this Guide/Guardian, he invited me to join the revelry and I did so, singing and dancing, refusing food politely and having great fun. Something pulled at me and I realized what I wished to do next.

I asked my Guide some questions:
1) Why are you so small?
A: Because you are so large!  There is no real size difference, as it is a difference of dimension (ref. John Crowley's _Little, Big_).

2) What would happen if I drank the mead now?
A: You would fall asleep, deeply.

I then asked to see the Queen.  My Guide asked me if I was sure.  I said yes and he led me to a palace.  Into the interior of the palace he led and then left me alone in a room with a gruesome visage of power.  I knew Her horrible looks and told Her that I love Her and would like to ask Her some questions. Her continance changed from death-oriented, feline-like to vampiric,
ghoulish, lamiac, and then to wily feminine (See Thoth deck Princess of Disks).

She welcomed me and told me that I would always be welcome in Her palace.  I thanked Her and asked if there was a task I might perform for Her. 

She asked, "Besides the quest you are already on?"  I understood Her but asked for clarification anyway. "To save my trees?" She added.

"Yes, besides that quest,"  I responded.

She showed me (in my mind's eye) a chord about my waist.

"What for?" I asked, somewhat confused.

"To hold your athame," She replied.  I got the impression that this was something I should have thought of myself, or that She was disapproving or skeptical.

"What color?", I asked.

"Green as trees," she said.

I told Her that I'd do it and thanked Her for Her time, bowing low as I left.

The Guide took me back to the square-area and we danced a bit.  I asked some more questions:

3) Who is the old man/elf outside the Mound?
A: His name is Gristle/Gristol.  He is the Mound-watcher.  When those who are unprepared or uninvited to Elfland attempt to approach, he sends them away, finding nothing.

4) Might I get to know the Nilfheim (Dark Elves/Dwarves)?
A: Yes, and you might acquire a ring by them for your left forefinger, with inset stone of black.  [The stone seemed more important than the metal-type. He put a ring on my finger and said I might find it in my world.]

Suddenly things quieted down a bit and a being entered who seemed less elf-like, more of a fairy.  She was full of energy and gracefully flowed in to say hello.  What I saw of her was more symbolic than imagic.  She was pure sex and power.  I got the impression that she was an mature female and that all the revelers were youngsters.

All the elves in the square stared in wrapt fascination with me and bowed as she entered, did a strange dance, and left.  There was a short silence (a pause for reflection?) and then the partying began anew.  I told them that I was from a circle of mages/people.  They laughed and, when I asked them if they would like me to take anything back to them, they said "Tell them:  'The way is open.'"

We laughed and sang and danced until I was tired, then I asked to be led outside.   The Guide took me there and I walked, CLOCKWISE, around the Mound, growing larger in the forest.  I said hello to Gristle and asked (since the others in our circle has not finished their journeys) if the elves could come out of their Mound. Almost immediately they appearred all around, as if they had been invisible and simply, suddenly revealed themselves.  Someone (perhaps Gristol) replied that they are around all the time and that our worlds interpenetrate.  It requires the ability/incentive to see them.   I thanked them, danced a bit in the forest, and entered a very deep trance at the foot of a tree, looking up at the forest ceiling.

[I had less trouble coming back this time than with the 'past-life regression' in which my vision was blurred for half of an hour afterwards.  I felt energetic and joyful, ready to learn of others' journeys and share my own.  I shared the message from the Faere Ones with the group.]
-
The Closing:

Womb and tomb, womb and tomb
Returning home upon our broom,
We thread our lives into the loom.
-
END OF BOOK OF SHADOWS EXCERPTS

In my hard-copy I have attached a compendium of all recorded conversations with my Holy Guardian Angel (Kali).  I'm omitting appendices in order to save bandwidth.   Perhaps I'll revise it someday and post it.  Presently it isgiven the title 'The Book of Blood'.  Appendix B is a skeleton study coursefor myself and for any students I may have.  Appendix C is a letter to my Gardnerian teacher in which I gave feedback upon the course, which has long concluded without initiation.  I offered some reflection about myself and attitudes toward magick, group-work and ceremony.

(c) 1994
Tyagi Nagasiva
Tyagi@HouseofKaos.Abyss.com
House of Kaos
871 Ironwood Drive
San Jose, CA 95125-2815

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